Peace

The fruit of the Holy Spirit has been a focus of mine since I was a child. You know, LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, GOODNESS, KINDNESS, GENTLENESS, FAITHFULNESS, and SELF-CONTROL. One year in VBS that was the theme and has stuck with me ever since. Peace however has been a mystery. I only viewed peace as the world sees it. You know, war-free type of stuff. I never understood that because as much as I would love a peaceful world I understand the reality of that happening. Also because of my love for history I believe peace is not always the answer. Anyway, peace stayed a mystery and I kinda ignored it, focusing on others instead. So, I was refreshing and praying for the spirits fruit the other day when I realized what peace means......


......the trials with my health continue to worsen. I have had continued faith in the Lord and I have no doubt He is in complete control. The reason I know He is in control is because of the abundance of peace that fills my heart. The Lord is protecting me from battles of doubt and discouragement from within. Peace that seemed so silly to me has become my comfort in this ongoing battle. As I dread each pill that I swallow each day, Dr. appointments baring bad news, and physical and emotional weakness it is the Lord that giving me strength and ongoing peace.....


.....So thank you Heavenly Father for opening my heart and showing me your peace is ALMIGHTY and WAY better than the world's peace!

The Rocks in the Road get Sharper

Well, the specialist for my health has been a huge blessing. He has spent his time with me and done many alterations. With the Lord's guidance the Dr tested for Lyme Disease because of the location of my home and just as a safety step. So the tests came back and they are positive. Just another medical test that has come back baring bad news. It is times like these I start to get down and turn to the Lord in question, then I am filled with His peace and remember the Lord has the problem within His hands.

The Lyme disease is chronic or in other words level 3. This means I will have to disease for life and the cell wall of the bacteria throughout my body have mutated. The antibiotic has a hard time killing the bacteria. Once the bacteria is killed off as a defence mechanisms it spreads a toxin throughout my body. This makes me even weaker. Although the more toxin in my body the better because it means the bacteria is dying. So this summer I will be on 2 potent antibiotics and if necessary a third antibiotic will be added. Because of the health changes again I am having to step out of work for a bit try and regain energy and finish school in the fall.

Along with the Lyme disease I still have Fibromyalgia, and a thyroid issue, so combining all three there are many adjustments to every day life. The focus each morning is to find the great things in life and enjoy the stuff I do have available to me. These changes have allowed me to grow in the Lord which means the Lord is strengthening within me. Don't get me wrong there are times when I am feeling weak and want to give into the defeat but for the most part I am blessed with the Lord's peace.

Now I just hope every time I have an appointment something new does not come up and soon things will shift and good news will finally get back to me. Thank you all for your support, love, and prayers!

Adjusting

So great news is I only have the rest of this semester and next semester in Fresno. Then I am done at Fresno State and get to complete a new chapter in my life. Here is the one thing though that seems to bother me. At home most people know me as someone who cares and very reliable. I enjoy showing the Lords love to others. Once I moved to Fresno I starting having my health problems along with spending more time studying due to the hard history classes I take. Because of these changes the people I have met in Fresno don't seem to know the real me. I am not as helpful, and dependable as I would like to be. I think because I know most time is spend laying in bed building energy to go to school or show up to work I don't want to let people down. I can't make plans for the weekend and promise I will be there. I cannot be the true friend I have always loved being. This change sadens me. I know the Lord has a plan with this and I think it is to show others the strength I have through the Lord and the faith I have in the Lord, but I liked also showing the Lord's love. So as my chapter in Fresno closes soon, I have to keep my chin up high and not regret anything. The Lord knows. There is a great quote in my bible study this morning that stated, "Cling to hope and My rays of Light will reach you through the darkness" So my hope continues and my faith in the Lord continues as my health trial become the focus and changes in my life.

Life is too short

Wow, I need to catch up on here more often! To put everyone up to speed with me I only have to focus on 3 things. Guess my life is pretty much the same .


"My sister all grown up now"

1st-School is going well. I am so blessed the Lord directed me to Fresno State, the professors have been great, friends are a huge support, and I have grown so much. I thought I would struggle living on my own, however, I have done well and continue to enjoy it. Even though I miss home very much. I will be done with school next fall with a degree in History. Yeah! then after that who knows, I am up for suggestions though!

"This might just be the best picture of Bryan and I.... Ok maybe not the best but it is funny"


2nd-I am still with Bryan. We are still learning about each other and growing. He is stationed in Hawaii now. I have been blessed to visit him over New Years. We got to watch football together and spend every second laughing or doing something crazy. Because we have so much in common it is so easy to get lost together and let the day fly by. I am still working on a way to freeze time so I don't ever have to say goodbye. But I hope to see him in May or this summer. He has been so great with the changes in my life, meaning my health and does a great job of lifting me up and supporting me.

3rd- Speaking of which my health is the center of my life now, not because I want it to, but because it has to. Each day is planned around my body and what it can do or handle. My parents have been so loving and concerned they found a specialist to see down in LA. I see him about every 3-5 weeks (which makes it hard being in Fresno). He knows that I don't want to depend on medications so I am on very little medications and more on supplements. Other than school and little work I lay in bed to restore my energy so I will be able to have painless or little pain days at some point in my life. The great thing about staying in bed all the time is I am forced to be a good student! Nothing to do other than homework. =-) I take each day at a time. There are still many side effects from fibromyalgia my body will still experience and weaken me that will put a battle in my life, but I am ready to tackle those when they come. I am using this time as a learning experience and a way to make me stronger. I have learned not to take the little things for granted, like I used to. The Lord has humbled me in more ways than I ever thought He could (after all He did give me a thick skull). After our house burnt down years ago I learned not to depend on stuff, and stuff is not important in life. I can be happy without. Now I am learning to be happy for the little things in life, the ability to walk to school still, or even get an education, visit with friends every once in awhile. I am thankful for my parents who have helped me through this and are a huge support and help. My friends and Bryan who love me and are there. I know one day through the Lord I will be able to have a normal day again without pain and suffering, and if not I will still have a smile on my face.

So yeah that is about it. I hope to write more now that I have more time on my hands!

Fibermyalgia

"When I am afraid I will trust in you"

I have spent the last year trying to convince doctors my health has been going down hill. This summer it has been my hardest struggle, many days my body was so weak I spent days just in bed trying to feel better. When heading back to Fresno for school my goal was to find a doctor.

Today I met a doctor I loved, she listened and took my concerns seriously. This was an answer to prayer. However, she does believe I have fibermyalgia, a few blood tests will rule other problems out. I have a long scary road ahead of me. I have a family, friends, and the Lord to support me and help me.

Trip to Texas

So I was able to visit Bryan in Texas for a weekend. Even though the weather was so hot we had an amazing time. He took me to the River Walk, and the Alamo (both beautiful places). Every second was enjoyable, even though things were not perfect. His navigator was not nice and got us lost many times, but even though we had to do many u-turns and hear the navigator yell at us we still had a blast. Because we are so much alike it is easy to calm each other down. When I get stressed he understand, because we function the same way so knows exactly what to say to calm me down. I am blessed to have him in my life!

New Addition

So this summer has been great thus far. So refreshing to see the people in my life who mean so much to me. I love all of them dearly. I also miss the people I have become close with in Fresno, but I will see them soon as summer flies by (like always),

Recently sparks have been flying as I have met someone new. In May I attending a dear friend of mine (Jen and her boyfriends) college graduation party. While there I met Jen's boyfriend's cousin. We met in the perfect way possible watching Sports Center. I knew this was going to be a great friendship after talking about sports for hours. His name is Bryan. The last days in Fresno were spent hanging out with Bryan. He grew up in Washington and is currently in the Navy (because I am always drawn to those military men who are willing to serve our mighty Nation!) He works with the Navy intelligence and is currently in Texas until September and then heading to Hawaii for 3 years.

After he left Fresno to go to Texas and I left Fresno to head back home to Green Valley Lake we continued talking. Not only do we have a passion for sports but we gel so well together and are similar is almost every aspect. The only difference between us so far is he is a 49ers fan and well I love the Packers.

Recently he spent the time and money to come visit me on my favorite holiday 4th of July. We had a wonderful time together, the trip went perfect. At the end of July I am going to visit him in Texas for a weekend. I am so excited to go.

This random way of meeting someone has turned out so great. I am blessed to have met him, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us! All I know is this has been a great summer. Oh and I am super excited for football season to start so Bryan and I can share our passion of the game together!!!! THANK YOU JESUS